My 92-year-old father in China passed away last month, peacefully (it was incredible blessing that I was able to see him right before he left). I have been reflecting on his life and his legacy.
Photo credit: Shenzhen China, February 2025
What I admired the most about him is his ability to change and grow as a person. And yes, even in his 90s!
My father used to have a terrible temper, and it was difficult for us in the family to appreciate him. But over the years, he softened and learned to express his love in a gentle way.
Parents worry about their kids. For many years, he used to only focus on what's not ideal in life with our various families. In the past several years - on my daily video calls, I have been encouraging him to adopt a mindset of gratitude - to focus on what's already great in our lives. And he did! In the last two years, I often heard him express his appreciation and satisfaction in life.
The most difficult change in life is to change ourselves, to grow and to transcend our conditioned patterns that are no longer helpful to us.
It's hard because it's requires not only a mindset change (involving the Mind) but also behavioral change in old habits (involving the Body) that have been stubbornly stored in our neuromuscular memory - bypassing our cognitive intent.
Is there an old habit that you have been trying to change? If a 90-year-old can change, so can we.
Here are two tips I find helpful when helping my executive coaching clients make their desired change:
Mind: Adopt a more helpful mindset by changing the story in our head. Identify the old story (such as "It's not good enough") and replace it with the desired new story (such as "I am / we are so blessed". Practice the new narrative multiple times a day. You can say it out loud or silently.
Body: Practice a tiny physical behavior in the direction of your desired change - multiple times a day. For example, when I am trying to speak less, I intentionally push my body down into the chair to ground myself, and sometimes I push my tongue up against the roof of my mouth to reduce speaking.
Give yourself grace when you practice. Changing habits is hard, so make the reward so big. Be clear how this change will benefit your life and your goals, and those around you.
I am grateful that my life is now better because I managed powerful habit change (I used to also have a temper and I changed it for my daughter 10 years ago), and I continue to work on positive personal change. My father is an inspiration for me.
Whatever you are working on, you've got this. We will do this together!
